Cold metal pressed hard against my left temple. I like it, I crave it, do it doit doit. I feel my warm tears on the metal and soldier’s on the metal pressed on her face. I feel like I am the gun and I can end anything. It’s not even uncomfortable, we are ok with everything and I have accomplished my life long goal early. All I ever wanted was too be happy, to love and be loved and if you tried to walk into this room right now, the love would take you and carry you away. Panda doesn’t know what to do, soldier is his life, his love. His sister is holding a gun to her head. And she loves him and she loves her and he loves both of us and without them we would all be dead. But it has to come full circle, and here we wait, we will die tonight. I smelled the snow on the walk over, I could imagine the way the street would sparkle in the moonlight. I am still drunk and high from last night and I feel weird, wired and ready.
“BANG” blood on soldier’s face, dripping down mine, I am spineless in the end.
“BANG” panda falls to the floor, what’s left of his head hits his computer chair.
Soldier sitting alone in a room the love has been sucked out like a vacuum and replaced with tragedy.
She could have cried then, but she didn’t have the time or the energy. “BANG” suicide, soldier’s brains paint the wall.

WE3.

I left someone behind because he hated who I was but leaving was not an option for him, I was his and he would never let me go, I had to leave him. I was afraid, I didn’t want to hurt him, but I did, so maybe I was afraid to deal with him, not to actually hurt him. My mom told him, my dad got to St. Louis Park in less than 20 minutes, a 40 minute drive. They went to tell my Lion together. My dad told him, my mom couldn’t speak and blamed herself. I broke everything that he had, I took everything with me when I left and I was sorry… almost. He couldn’t breath, he collapsed onto the floor like water. I was his everything and I took myself from him so selfishly.
He didn’t got to school, he couldn’t, he wouldn’t talk to anyone after his mom started going to work again he got drunk and cried, he started going to parties where he didn’t know anyone, he would leave for days and come back still drunk. He would do anything he was offered, coke, meth, speed, ex. He would start fights because he had nothing left to live for. He wanted someone to shoot him or strangle him or beat him to death because he couldn’t do it himself.
This is not what I wanted for him, I wanted him to find someone, I wanted him to live on without me, how foolish of me to think that I could make that come true.